got jomo?

the joy of missing out is a really good thing. you should try it.

Do you ever wish you said no to an invite? Confession: I say yes way more than I say no. But my way of thinking is shifting. I’ll explain.

I’ve never really been one to feel like I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. My inner voice has always told me that wherever I was - was where I belonged at that moment: it was the place to be.

Don’t get me wrong - there was that one time when we ended up on a very wrong beach in Sardinia and I found myself googling, “How far away is the nearest Nikki Beach?”. Luckily, our group didn’t have to jump in the water and swim, but we did have to take turns boarding a tiny, inflatable motor boat in shifts to cross some insanely choppy water for a 30 minute, white-knuckle trip to Nikki Beach on Costa Smerelda.

But I digress.

Beach-envy aside, I generally do not have FOMO. Thankfully, the fear of missing out has so far eluded me. Of late, I have realized that I actually take great pleasure in declining certain social invitations, happily opting in to a night at home instead of constantly running. There is a certain joy that comes with politely saying “no thank you” on occasion. For me, this feels more about giving myself permission to be selective about who I spend my time with.

This does not mean I am becoming anti-social. To the contrary, no one loves a good party more than me! I see some of my friends paying more attention than necessary to a luncheon or party they may missed an invite to. I think its pretty common to think about this….but ask yourself Why Do You Care about who is going to such-and-such if you weren’t included?

Mel Robbins is teaching us to subscribe to the “Let Them” philosophy. I wholly applaud this movement and cannot wait to read the book. If a group of your ‘friends’ made a plan without you, let them. They are actually doing you a favor and showing you who they are. The next time this happens to you, just make a mental note and feel the freedom that comes along with knowing where you stand with the people in your life. Perhaps they’ve actually given you a gift.

#SilentGifting and #JOMO (the joy of missing out) are two mantras that need to catch on. Not only should you not stress over things or people that you can’t control, but I’d argue that worrying about that stuff is doing damage and taking some sort of emotional toll, and inhibiting your mental health to boot.

It simply doesn’t need to happen.

On the flip-side of being passed over is being invited to everything and feeling the need to constantly say yes. We do this because partly out of obligation and also because socializing feels good, maintains established friendships and has the potential to begin new relationships. This is all great and feeds us in a way that prolongs our lives. I say we all need to give ourselves permission to say no once in a while.

How do we mitigate the real need to be connected to our family, friends and community while preserving our own sanity and well-being? I’ve found that it’s best to be honest with yourself and the limits that you need to set for social interaction and obligation.

Some of us have a larger appetite for socializing than others. I have friends that thrive on dining out, being at the hottest spots and do well with that constant social stimulation. I know others who cannot properly function with a social calendar that does not leave room for downtime. Burning the candle at both ends can work for a period of time but I have not yet met the person who can be “on” seven nights a week without hitting a wall. That wall is a moving target and different for everyone.

It’s only with the wisdom of my age that I can say this.

I don’t need to go out seven nights a week

If I am with you, you are important to me. Or I feel close enough that I do not ever want to offend you by not being there. You matter to me on whatever level that is.

I love getting invitations and I love celebrating life and say yes way more than I say no however…

I also really really need my beauty sleep.

Hard stop.

I hope wherever you are while reading this, you are exactly where you want to be 🌸