on target? major cleanup needed on aisle seven

confronting adoption + identity in the cookware section

A friend of mine sent me a link via DM on Instagram this morning to a video. (I’ll post the link at the end of this piece).

—> Disclaimer: I have no idea if this video is legit, but I do know it raised some big issues and lots of strong reactions in the comments, including from yours truly. Be aware as you read and watch that this may be a total fabrication, a hoax - but it brings up emotions worth talking about and things like this can and do happen, so here we are.

—> Another disclaimer: I have no idea if this took place in Target; I just used it for the metaphor

In this video, a twenty-something woman points a phone, camera at the ready - to record a much-anticipated confrontation with a shopper in the store. I’m not sure who was doing the filming, but an old photo of a young mother with a baby is held up to the camera as she asks the fellow shopper if her name is Rebecca Jameson. Ms. Jameson replies “Yes”; then the the follow up question comes. “Did you live in Waco, Texas twenty years ago” to which she again replies “Yes” as she begins to nervously look around.

It sort of feels like a very dark version of Candid Camera. For an instant, you may hope that this will be some sort of good news (maybe a tearful reunion?) but no. After the proclamation that Jameson is her birth mother - this scene quickly devolves. Jameson feels ambushed and loudly expresses that this was a closed adoption and instead of the welcoming arms that this young woman was hoping for, she is greeted by anger.

I, too am asking myself why on Earth anyone would think this staged confrontation is a good idea right smack in the middle of the pots and pans aisle.

The birth mom is pissed. This is a clear violation on many levels: of the legal agreement she entered in to, of being accosted in such a public forum, of being filmed and of somehow being tracked down.

It does not go well. She repeatedly screams at this woman that she is in real need of therapy and that she intentionally gave her up without any regrets because she knew that she would be giving her a better life. The “better life” should be the headline here, but instead, it feels like the only semi-soft message in this entire exchange. The bigger and louder message seems to be, “I made my decision, I’m mortified to see you standing here in front of me, I have zero invested in you or your feelings and holy shit - all I wanted to do was buy a fucking non-stick frying pan!”

Collectively, I think that - real or not - we empathize with that little baby who was set off on a lifetime of searching.

And I have to add, to anyone that has been adopted - I have to believe you were wanted and you were loved by the parents who chose you, even if things subsequently went wrong.

Now here’s where we get personal…

This is a very nuanced topic for me. It brings up so many issues about identity and parenting that are deeply personal. I was not adopted. At least not in the traditional sense of the word, but I found out some life-altering things about my family of origin that turned my world upside down. This happened to me only a few short years ago and it was only the beginning of a really complex re-examination of my entire upbringing, my relationships with my siblings with my parents and my place in the world. A world very stable and predictable - until it wasn’t.

However, finding out about this abrupt shift later in life is a much different ball of wax than growing up questioning the very circumstances that brought you in to this world from the giddy-up. While I had 50-something years of knowing exactly who I was, there are many who don’t have that good fortune nor the privilege of living a full life without constantly questioning the whys and the hows of the journey into this world while simultaneously wondering how to make sense of a life that may not feel entirely whole.

Keep reading and you’ll get to the video link, I promise 🌸

Whether or not this video tells a true and authentic story about the people about involved, it does tell a universal story about adoption, about one’s sense of self and the really larger question about what to do with the life you were given, no matter what the circumstances.

I am exploring these themes currently as I write my memoir and I cannot wait to share my story widely. I’m told I shouldn’t “give it all away” (though I am dying to), so please be patient as my work is incubating.

In the meantime, I’m genuinely curious about your feelings on this complex subject, so please feel free to leave a message in the comments or reach out to me directly - whether it’s your opinion about the content of this video (we do not need to debate its’ authenticity here as it’s a point I’m trying to debate) but happy to engage in a real conversation about adoption, identity, DNA, parent-searching and the like.

Now, as promised, here’s the video so you can see the exchange for yourself.

Please do share this post with anyone you think may enjoy my content!

xo